By Ma Li, China
“What’s in your mind? Your black hair looked good. Now you spent over 200 yuan and had it dyed yellow. You spent your money but it’s ugly. If your hair is only yellow, then no matter, but there is even some green hair …”
“I didn’t know it would be dyed like this. This green isn’t what I wanted.”
“Talk back. If you didn’t want this, then could others force you?”
“You say, your slight double eyelids were beautiful. But since you had the double eyelid surgery to make your eyes bigger, they have looked very ugly. You really spentspend money to buy pain.”
“I didn’t expect it would be like this.”
“This is a lesson. Will you still not listen to me in future?”
“Look at your dress—a halter top and a miniskirt! You can’t go out just in them, or else people who see will curse you.”
“Mom, how come you are always nagging? Nowadays it’s popular to dress like this, there’s nothing to be surprised at.”
“What? You blame me for nagging. You’ve really grown up to do whatever you want. Do you still take me as your mother?”
After the day my daughter stepped into the society, I was worried about her every day for fear that she would learn the bad ways. However, the more I was worried, the less she gave me peace of mind: having her hair dyed, undergoing double eyelid surgery, not dressing conservatively, and so on. Whenever I criticized her, she never listened to me but even talked back. Gradually, our relationship became worse and worse. As soon as my daughter came home from work, she would sit in front of the computer, unwilling to talk to me. I was distressed: Isn’t my nagging for her own good? How come she can’t understand me? The more I thought about it, the more vexed I felt, thinking: How come I gave birth to such a disobedient daughter? In pain, all I could do was pray to God, “Oh, God! I feel very anguished now. My relationship with my daughter has become increasingly estranged. I’m finding fault with whatever she does, and she’s unwilling to listen to whatever I say. I don’t know how our relationship becomes this. Dear God, may You enlighten and lead me so that I can find the root cause of this problem.
After my, I saw s say, “Parents raise their children from infancy to adulthood, nagging them and looking after them throughout. How do parents see time? Whether twenty or thirty years later, their attitude toward their children is the same as when they were born, it doesn’t change. The child has, in fact, long since grown up, he’s long since established his own way of thinking, state of mind, insight, and viewpoints—he’s long since had these things—yet the adults never realize this, they can never keep up, they always talk and interact with the child as if he’d just been born.” “Precisely because a parent always assumes their place as a parent and will not budge from it, keeping that status from which they will not come down, their child becomes at odds with them. A lot of things really result from the parent always assuming their place as such and taking themselves too seriously; they always see themselves as the parent, the elder: ‘Regardless of when, you won’t get escape from your mother’s (or father’s) control; you’ll still have to listen to me. You are my child. The fact of this doesn’t change, regardless of when.’ This viewpoint makes them miserable and wretched, and makes the child miserable and exhausted. Isn’t this the case?”
Only after reading God’s words did I know the reason why I couldn’t live in harmony with my daughter but lived in pain. In retrospect, my attitude toward her was just like what God says. I thought I was an elder with more experience in life, so when seeing that this society is so evil, in order to not let her learn bad ways, I was so strict with her. At the sight of her yellow hair, I couldn’t help nagging; at the sight of her skimpy dress, I would scold her. I felt my so-doing was proper, was for the sake of her, so I always taught her from my position as a mother, and asked of her with the tone of an order, letting her listen to me. As a result, the more I controlled her, the more she blamed me for being long-winded, not listening to me at all. The relationship between us was becoming tense: She was taking an aversion to me, and I was living in pain.
Having recognized my problem, I also wanted to know how to improve our relationship. Then I continued seeking in the words of God, and I once again saw God’s words say, “If both sides lived by normal humanity, and if they were able to reach possession of the truth, with both sides putting themselves in each other’s shoes, and taking into account each other’s difficulties, from the perspective of normal humanity, and both sides standing on an equal footing when they interacted, spoke to each other, and did things, would this stop the estrangement developing between them?” “Just be an ordinary person: Treat your children, treat those in your own family the same as you would an ordinary brother or sister. Although you have a responsibility, a fleshly relationship, nevertheless the position and perspective you should have is the same as with friends or ordinary brothers and sisters. That is, you can’t control, you can’t restrain your children, and always try to keep in command and have complete control over them. Let them make mistakes, let them say the wrong things, let them do childish and immature things, do stupid things. No matter what happens, sit down and calmly talk with them, communicate and seek. Don’t you think this attitude is good? Isn’t it right? So, what is being let go here? (Position and pride.) It is the letting go of the position and status of a parent, the airs of a parent, and all of the responsibility one thinks they should assume, everything that one thinks they should be doing as a parent; instead, it’s enough that one does the best they can in terms of their responsibility as an ordinary brother or sister.”
God’s words had pointed out the way of practice for me. That is, I should stand on an equal footing with my daughter, and take a correct attitude toward her deficiency. My daughter has just stepped into the modern society, and she has no adequate discernment of the various trends nor a correct concept of value, feeling that everything is fresh to her, so it’s normal for her to pursue the trends. I should guide her to establish a correct outlook on life and values according to God’s words and talk with her calmly, rather than rely on my corrupt disposition in such affairs. As I understood, I also knew how to treat my daughter. Afterward, when something happened, I would take the initiative in talking to her with an open heart, calmly fellowship about the truth with her, and lead her to discern the social things according to God’s words. When I practiced like this, my daughter’s attitude also changed somewhat.
One day, my daughter said to me, “Mom, look, my eyelids are still swollen. I need to trim the fat.” I got angry at her words, and was about to speak when I suddenly realized that I was a Christian: If my hot-bloodedness flares up like before, then it won’t be my putting God’s words into practice. No, I can’t rely on my corrupt disposition to do things anymore. Then I hurriedly prayed to God and asked God to protect my heart so that I could act in accordance with God’s demands. With that, I said to her patiently, “Daughter, what appearance we have is preordained by God, and the appearance God gives each of us is the best. Although a plastic surgery can make people more beautiful, it has a side effect. For example, I’ve ever heard a person had a facelift lest the wrinkles should form. At that time, she seemed to be younger and more beautiful, but after several years, her face became more wrinkled than before. Later she knew the fact: The facelift broke her facial epidermal cells, which prevented the supply of nutrients, so her skin became loose and more wrinkles formed. Besides, we need to see through that plastic surgery is actually an evil trend that Satan causes to arise and it’s a means for Satan to use our love for beauty to corrupt and entrap us, making us transgress God’s domination and arrangements and be fooled by it. Just as the words of God say, ‘When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view, the life philosophies and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan “bestows” on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.’”
Having finished reading God’s words, I said to my daughter, “God’s words are so clear. Every trend raised up by Satan carries an evil influence and makes people depraved. Because we don’t have truth, can’t see through Satan’s evil trends, we will only be infected and assimilated by Satan, and eventually be duped by it. Only by reading the words of God can we see clearly Satan’s tricks, can we forsake Satan and break away from the harm of the evil trends. You aren’t satisfied with your eyes created by God, so you spent so much money on the double eyelid surgery. What’s the result? They are still swollen. Apart from wasting money, you have to suffer. Isn’t this being fooled by Satan? If you once again spend money to trim the fat, then who knows what dangerous things will happen? Following the social trends brings us nothing but suffering and danger.”
My daughter pondered over for a while, and then nodded her head, saying, “Mom, what God says is correct. I can’t follow the evil trends of Satan any longer. Satan is too vicious; it just takes advantage of my love for beauty. When I saw all my colleagues do this, I started to follow them, without knowing its danger. In future, I’m willing to obey God’s domination, and no longer make you angry.” Seeing that my daughter could speak her mind to me, and that her attitude toward me improved, I thanked God in my heart again and again. God is so almighty. When I acted according to God’s words, my daughter changed her attitude and we could get along with each other calmly, no longer being like enemies. Thank God, these are all God’s blessings. After that experience, I had more faith in putting God’s words into practice. When I once again encountered issues, I would rely on God to seek the truth, let God’s words dominate our life, and practice in accordance with God’s words in everything.
Afterward, my daughter also came before God, and tried her best to fulfill her duties. Since then, no matter what disagreements there were between us, we would pray to God, seek God’s will and view things in accordance with God’s words; our relationship became more and more harmonious. This was all because of God’s words. I no longer assumed my place as a mother to control my daughter, but put aside my airs of a mother, treating her as a sister. When I seek truth in everything and put the words of God into practice, I feel more comfortable at heart, not tired anymore.
From experiences I have truly felt that the word of God is the essential part of my life, the guidebook to teach me how to be a human and live out a normal humanity, and the lubricant that removes the interpersonal estrangement. It is God’s word that makes me get along well with my daughter. Thank God for His salvation of me. All the glory be to God!
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