Exasperated by Her Son’s Poor Grade
“Good evening, parents. Thanks for your taking time out of your schedule to attend this parent teacher meeting. Now I’ll give you your child’s report card….” said the head teacher on the platform. After taking Xiaojie’s report card and seeing the number “79” written very clearly, Yuqing muttered, shaking her head: “That’s it, he is finished. He has good grades in math, but he only got 79 marks out of 100; what if he can’t get into high school? He’s greatly disappointed me.” At the thought of this, the anger uncontrollably raised its head inside of her.
Upon arriving home, Yuqing headed straight for Xiaojie’s room and lectured him: “You did rather badly in the exam this time. Stop playing from now on, or else you’ll be unable to get into high school, let alone college.” When he heard this, Xiaojie lowered his head and didn’t say a word. Seeing that, Yuqing then said gently: “Son, you have to know only knowledge can change your fate. You see, since I failed to attend university, now I have to be a worker in a factory, doing hard and dirty work. That’s why I want you to study hard, get into a good college, and have a cushy and well-paid job in the future.” Hearing this, Xiaojie nodded reluctantly.
Late that night, lying on the bed, Yuqing thought of how, to make sure her son could be of talents and gain high grades, she had signed him up for all kinds of interest classes and supplementary classes from kindergarten, how she had supervised his study and given him some extra homework whenever she had time, and how she often kept an eye on him so that he could finish it before he went play. Nevertheless, Xiaojie’s grades still didn’t get any better—he only received 70 to 80 marks every time. Moreover, sometimes he didn’t want to study and even talked back to her. Thinking of these things, Yuqing felt exasperated at her son’s failure to be excellent. In this way, she took a long time to fall asleep in a bad mood.
Forcing Her Son to Study Broke Their Relationship
One afternoon, when Xiaojie wanted to play for a while after finishing his homework and reciting lessons, Yuqing asked him to do English dictations before he could play, just as she used to do. However, Xiaojie wasn’t willing to do it. Facing this, Yuqing again used the bright future to try to persuade him. But Xiaojie said angrily: “You’ve agreed to let me play after finishing my homework, but now you are asking me to do dictations. If I can’t write them correctly, you’ll let me repeat. You won’t allow me to play until I can recite them. To put it plainly, you simply don’t want me to play! The only thing you ever want me to do is study hard, get into high school and then college!” Yuqing said: “Am I not doing this for your own good?” “For my own good? All you care about is letting me take extra classes and recite lessons every week, so I cannot play basketball every weekend, while others can. You insist on demanding me to study, yet you still say you are acting in my best interests. Is this meaning me well? I don’t want to keep learning; even if I’ll achieve nothing and do manual labor in the future, I shall be willing to face it!” said Xiaojie resentfully. At these words, Yuqing instantly felt a rush of rage and said: “You’re without ambition. If you want to do manual labor, then do it. I can’t control you anymore!” Xiaojie then said indignantly: “Mind your own business! What will become of me is my own business.” When he finished, he slammed the door and entered his room.
Xiaojie’s behavior made Yuqing feel put out. She said to herself: “Can’t you see that I’ve given so much for your own good? I grudge spending money on food or clothing so as to educate you. Why don’t you understand that? If you still can’t get better grades, how can you get into a good high school? …”
Over the days that followed, Xiaojie didn’t talk with Yuqing, nor did he reply to her when she called him. This made Yuqing feel pained and helpless.
Understanding the Truth Enabled Her to Know How to Educate Her Son
In her pain and helplessness, Yuqing prayed to God: “O God, I don’t know how to educate my son properly. Please lead me. I wish to entrust this matter to You.”
After the, she read in the word of God: “As far as children go, all parents hope that their children will receive higher education and that they’ll someday get ahead, have a place in society as well as have both a stable income and influence—that way they can honor the family line. Everyone has this point of view. Is it the right viewpoint to hope that ‘the son becomes a dragon, the daughter becomes a phoenix’? Everyone wants their children to go to a prestigious university and then pursue advanced studies, thinking that after getting degrees they’ll stand out from the crowd. This is because in their hearts, everyone worships knowledge, believing that ‘The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all.’ On top of that, competition in modern society is particularly fierce, and without a degree you’re not even guaranteed to be able to put food on the table. This is how everyone thinks about it. That is, what you learn and what kind of educational background you can achieve will decide your livelihood, your future. In other words, people intend to rely on this thing to survive throughout life, and they see it as especially important. That’s why everyone sees receiving a high-level education and getting into a top university as the number one most important thing for their children.”
After readings, Yuqing suddenly saw the light. She realized: Controlled by notions such as “To be a scholar is to be at the top of society,” and “Knowledge can change your fate,” I believed that, after having good grades in school and a good diploma, one would certainly have good prospects in the future. That was why I signed Xiaojie up at a very young age to kinds of remedial classes and forced him to study. When he was sick of studying, I would use both carrot and stick to force him, which caused him to lose the happiness he should have as a child. Overloaded with pressure to study for many years, not only did he fail to achieve better scores, but he began to react against me, with the result that our relationship has turned to deadlock. This is all caused by me forcing him to study based on satanic notions and ideas but never standing in his shoes to understand how he feels. When Yuqing realized this, she felt very upset.
At that time, Yuqing remembered God’s words: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to fulfill your duty. Performing your role in God’s plan and in His ordination, you start your life’s journey. Whatever your background, and whatever the journey ahead of you, no one can escape the orchestrations and arrangements of the Heaven, and no one is in control of their own destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” From God’s words, she understood: When a person is born, whatever his life will be, whether he will live a life of poverty or wealth in the future, what job he will have, all these have been arranged by God long before and have nothing to do with whether he has a good diploma. However, since I was blind and ignorant not understanding, I, based on Satan’s thought and views, forced Xiaojie to study, in the vain hope of changing his destiny. I didn’t know that all such things as his getting into a university, the jobs he has and his future and destiny cannot be changed by whether he has a good diploma, but are all part of God’s arrangements. She then thought of how her aunt only with a primary school-level education has become a successful in business, now owning a car, home, and a business. Several of her neighbors, though poorly educated, have made a lot of money as labor contractors. There is also her boss who only possesses two years of elementary school education yet is running a big company. Whereas among those who graduate from college, even with a postgraduate diploma, some get a job through parents or relatives, some work in a company, factory or a store, some still stay at home, and so on. They don’t change their destiny because of having a high degree or a good diploma. All these facts allowed Yuqing to see that knowledge can in no way change man’s fate, and man’s fate is only controlled by God’s hands. She also realized that if she kept forcing Xiaojie to study, not only would it make herself miserable, but it would cause Xiaojie to continue suffering. At the thought of this, Yuqing was willing to submit Xiaojie’s fate to God.
Afterward, Yuqing no longer tried to force Xiaojie to study like she had before and would give him some time to relax. But when she frequently saw Xiaojie playing, she once again became worried: “If Xiaojie carries on this way, it’s hard to say whether he can graduate, not to speak of getting into a good high school. If he doesn’t get a high degree, can he have a bright future?” When she had this thought, she realized that she was still influenced by the viewpoints of Satan. She thought of something written in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life: “How do you think parents are supposed to treat their children? All parents expect their children to be successful. If you have a child who is not somebody but nobody, what will you do? If you still want him to be successful, aren’t you tormenting yourself? … so we should respect the fact rather than impose anything on him. If he is nobody, but you force him to be somebody, can it become true? Your doing so is equal to harming and ruining him because it’s impossible for him to be somebody. Therefore, we should respect the fact and obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements. … Don’t have desires or demands. You should forsake the flesh and betray those satanic viewpoints, and you’ll then get the truth on this matter.” This fellowship served as a reminder to Yuqing. She realized that her son’s future and fate had been decided long ago by God, could not be changed by anyone, and had nothing to do with his level of education. If she still relied on the ideologies and views of Satan to educate her son, then he would end up with nothing but pain. As parents, when trying to educate their children, they should let things take their course. They could keep an eye on their children, properly lead them to live and study, and should also respect their children’s opinions. No matter what the children’s future, parents should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Once she had understood, Yuqing prayed in her heart: “O God! I don’t want to rely on satanic thoughts and notions to ask of my son anymore. His future is controlled by You. I’m willing to entrust his fate to You, and obey Your sovereignty and arrangements.”
Acting According to God’s Words Made Mother and Son Both Feel Released
Since then, Yuqing no longer forced Xiaojie to do dictations, recite lessons or take extra classes as she used to, but instead, she would respect him and let him study normally. Later, when Yuqing heard her husband talking to Xiaojie about testing into the best high school in the city, she asked Xiaojie whether he wanted to do so. Xiaojie smiled and replied: “No.” Yuqing then said, smiling: “Just do your best, and whatever will be will be.” Yuqing’s husband was very surprised at hearing this and said: “Huh? Didn’t you always ask him to get into the best high school? You’ve changed.” Yuqing calmly replied: “Man’s fate is determined by the heavens, so let nature take its course.” Her son nodded approvingly, saying: “Yeah, that’s right.”
When Yuqing put the word of God into practice, Xiaojie began to appropriately arrange his time. He studied when he should and sometimes played basketball for the fun, living very freely. Later, Xiaojie would tell Yuqing what had happened that day at school. Gradually, she discovered that her relationship with her son was growing ever closer and that she lived a relaxed and happy life and didn’t feel as tired as before. She was filled with gratitude to God. She came to appreciate this: After entrusting my son’s education to God, I feel much more at ease. It is God who gives me such a happy life. Thank God!
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