Let Go off Dream Marriage, Seize Real Happiness

By Guihua

I believe that all of us, during our adolescence have ever had beautiful illusions about our spouses in the future. Most men dream they can meet a confidant who will be gentle, virtuous, clever and wise, and they can keep her hands and live to death; most women dream that God will bestow them a handsome and brilliant gentleman, and that the man will put on the wedding dress for themselves, imagining that they can walk into the happy palace arm in arm, help and love each other forever. … How perfect the happy life we dream is! Although we do not know when the dream will come true, we believe the happiness will come one day.

Recollecting the halfway journey I have walked, I have been chasing the happy life dream. I was born in a poor and rural family. My parents were quarrelling for daily necessaries all the year round, which left deep shadow to me in my heart. Whenever I saw on TV that the city people lived warm, happy and romantic life, I dreamed one day I will also stay at a certain prosperous corner of a city and live a happy and sweet life with my Prince Charming, no quarrels and growing old together. At marriageable age, I married my husband who lived in the city as I had wished.

At first, my husband treated and took care of me very well. I thought I finally realized my long-cherished happy life. As time passed by, I found he had no understanding of considerateness and romance, much less bought clothes, jewelry for me, took me to travel or celebrated my birthday. And he even never said a sweet and warm word to me, which completely broke my dream of happiness. No matter when hearing my colleagues and friends talking about their happiness, I was gradually unsatisfied with my husband in my heart and began to use this as an excuse to vent my anger on him and complain to him. But he never cared what I said and always “comforted” me with the old idea before liberation, saying, “I also can do those things, but it’s meaningless. Living life is not like being in love. It will be better to be practical.” He meant I was too vain and not realistic. I had no choice but suffer in silence.

The saddest thing is that during my pregnancy, my husband at first often inquired after my well-being, but he treated me with indifference afterward. When thinking of that my friend told me when she was pregnant, her husband took her for a walk every day and tried to make her happy, I felt lonely and asked my husband angrily why he treated me in this way. Unexpectedly, he answered me with cold words, “You live a good life, having food and drink, how to care about you?” Hearing his words, I was very angry. Why could I find such a man with a blockhead? He did not care about me, and even had a gruff voice when he said to me. I could hardly communicate with him. At that time, I did not say any word with him for a long time.

Afterward, my child was born. I thought my husband would change his attitude toward me. But beyond my expectations, when seeing our baby crying at night, he not only refused to coax him to sleep but felt it too noisy and directly went to another bedroom to sleep, leaving my child and me alone. I gave him hell many times about this, yet he still seemed unencumbered. After work, he usually drank and had fun with his friends. And when arriving home, he either fell asleep the moment he lay on the bed, or yell drunken gibberish on the sofa. When I got angry at him, he just giggled at me. Looking at him, I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Distressingly, it was a kind of torture to be with him to old; ironically, why I was so foolish at that time to marry a man who did not know how to care about others. During those days, I completely lived in pain, complaining that I could not feel love and warm from him and my happy life I had dreamed was broken. I hated myself more for I married him at that time, and even regretted why I didn’t find more boyfriends to compare but directly chose him? Why was my happy life I wished so far away from me?

When I was in pain, a friend gave me a book. I saw God’s words saying, “When one becomes independent, one begins one’s own journey in life, which leads one step by step toward the people, events, and things related to one’s marriage; and at the same time, the other person who will make up that marriage is approaching, step by step, toward those same people, events, and things. Under the Creator’s sovereignty, two unrelated people who share a related fate gradually enter into a marriage and become, miraculously, a family, ‘two locusts clinging to the same rope.’” “One encounters many people in one’s life, but no one knows who will become one’s partner in marriage. Though everyone has their own ideas and personal stances on the subject of marriage, no one can foresee who will finally become their true other half, and one’s own notions count for little. After meeting a person you like, you can pursue that person; but whether he or she is interested in you, whether he or she is able to become your partner, is not yours to decide. The object of your affections is not necessarily the person with whom you will be able to share your life; and meanwhile someone you never expected quietly enters your life and becomes your partner, becomes the most important element in your fate, your other half, to whom your fate is inextricably bound” (“God Himself, the Unique III”).

God’s words made me suddenly see the light. Turned out it was arranged by God long ago that I came to the big city from far away home and met with my husband. And it was because of God’s sovereignty that we could stay together. Just as people often say, “People who don’t belong together, don’t get to live together.” Thinking it over, indeed, how many lovers have promised to be together forever, but finally failed; how many strangers manage to spend a happy life together because of lucky coincidence; how many couples have lived fighting and frustrations but cannot separate…. So am I. All along, I did not know God’s sovereignty and could not obey God’s rule and arrangement. Always I lived in complaint, regretted marrying my husband and thought I had chosen a wrong person and suffered a lot. Now I have come to know that our marriage was ordained by the Creator long ago whether it conformed to my will and we had no choice. Nowadays many people don’t satisfy their marriages. To pursue the happiness they have dreamt, they decide to divorce with their spouse and rebuild a family. They thought they would be happy, but they don’t expect that how many speculations, guard and scalding tears are behind their happiness. Some people even divorce again. Many women lived in pain and disappointment all life. Are these not all caused by our disobedience to the Creator’s predestination?

Later, I saw God’s word saying, “Because people do not recognize God’s orchestrations and God’s sovereignty, they always face fate defiantly, with a rebellious attitude, and always want to cast off God’s authority and sovereignty and the things fate has in store, hoping in vain to change their current circumstances and alter their fate. But they can never succeed; they are thwarted at every turn. This struggle, which takes place deep in one’s soul, is painful; the pain is unforgettable; and all the while one is frittering away one’s life. What is the cause of this pain? Is it because of God’s sovereignty, or because a person was born unlucky? Obviously neither is true. At bottom, it is because of the paths people take, the ways people choose to live their lives.” “Wherever one is, whatever one’s job is, one’s means of living and the pursuit of one’s goals bring one nothing but endless heartbreak and irrelievable suffering, such that one cannot bear to look back. Only when one accepts the Creator’s sovereignty, submits to His orchestrations and arrangements, and seeks true human life, will one gradually break free from all heartbreak and suffering, shake off all the emptiness of life” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). From these words, I came to know that all the pains I had suffered were caused by my pursuing the so-called romantic love. The mistaken view made me always blame and find fault with my husband for so many years. Either I compared my husband with others’ husband or contrast him with the main actors in TV shows, or my ideal spouse. I often felt there were a lot of shortcomings on him and he could not meet my desires. As a result, the willfulness, ambitions and desires blinded my eyes so that I was unable to see his merits, which led to our spending these clamorous years. It was really miserable. Now I understand that all things are preordained by God. I would rather obey in peace and joy than struggle in pain. Because only God rules our fate, and only He can lead us to cast off all sadness, emptiness and pain and live a real happy life.

Afterward, I put aside all dissatisfaction with my husband and was willing to obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements. I did not pay attention to my husband’s shortcomings. Because I knew I was not perfect, how can I ask him senselessly to be a perfect man? The couples should respect and love each other, and live with our feet firmly on the ground. There doesn’t need to say so many pompous sweet words and honeyed phrases, or solemn pledge of love, just as people said an ordinary life is true happiness. When I changed my viewpoint in my heart, I gradually saw my husband’s advantages. Although he did not speak sweet words and honeyed phrases, he was honest; although he did not earn much money, he was reluctant to use for himself, yet gave me good food and clothes; although he loved drinking, he would not beat me while being drunk; even I cursed him, he just smiled but did not beat me. Compared with those men who say good words before their wives but do nothing, I was luckier. Some men beat their wives when they were drunk. My husband was much better than them, at least he treated me with true heart. Now I know that actually what God plans for me is the greatest. It’s just that I do not know God’s predestination and sovereignty before so that much happiness slipped away between my fingers unobtrusively. When I put aside vague dream, obey God’s sovereignty and live by relying on God, my heart is released and I gain a happy life.

God’s word changed my mistaken view, and then all things are changed. My husband said to me, “I saw God’s deeds on you. The God you believe in really can change people.” Hearing this, I praised God gladly within. Only God can change me and God’s authority and power are worth experiencing and trusting. Thank God’s salvation! God saves our broken home and makes us live in a happy life. Finally, I understand that only by pursuing to obey God can we possess the happiest life.


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